The first time I saw the house that was to become ours, I was impressed by how it sat stately on top of a hill at the corner of the road. I recall driving by a towering wall of beautifully trimmed dark grass revealing a modest, yet well-appointed, level front yard. How nice….until we were responsible for mowing it. More specifically, until I was responsible for mowing it. It took a while for me to note the size of my husband’s nose expansion coinciding with him doing yard work. Poor thing would have puffy eyes, runny nose, and the works despite allergy meds. each time he tended the grass. I was happy to get extra sunlight and a bit of exercise. A home groundskeeper was born.
Pushing the Mower Uphill 
I’d like to think I have achieved greater upper body strength than in those early years of homeownership. I pushed the mower up, down, and sideways on the steep bank until I thought my arms would disjoin from their sockets. I could stand, feet level with the adjacent street, and basically bench press the machine straight up, then allow it to roll its weight back onto me in order to keep passing cars from being struck. Yep. Really safe stuff there.
An unfortunate Injury Leads to the Worst Solution; Mulching a Steep Bank
I’m not sure how many years passers-by and I survived this ritual. I’ll estimate it ended around the time I dislocated my knee. That made it a bit tricky to navigate uneven ground. I proceeded to do the worst possible thing I could. I laid down landscaping fabric to kill all the grass on the bank. Thinking I could throw some mulch on top and all would be well, I began shoveling mulch. A few bags here. A scoop from the local landscape company there. I had underestimated the scope of this project. Mulching a steep bank requires massive amounts of mulch material. If our bank were the entire Magic Kingdom, I presently had covered the equivalent of the Partner’s Statue. Yep, hadn’t even made it to the castle.
Tornado Mulch for a Steep Bank
I needed mucha mulcha and had nada mucha money. Our area had recently experienced a rare tornado. It was in fact the most devastating tornado ever recorded in our beautiful valley. Thankfully, no human lives were taken. The trees, however, weren’t so fortunate. Miles of trees were wiped out. I heard all these downed trees were being shredded at several local refuse and recycling sites. BINGO! We borrowed a pick-up truck, shoveled, hauled, and spread load after load of “tornado mulch” onto the fabric sheeting. It seemed we would never get to the end. We found all types of interesting relics in our tornado mulch. There were many whispered prayers for the landowners to which a scrap of barbed wire fence or handkerchief belonged. The people in our community were hit hard, but they rallied together and rebuilt.
Spotted by Google Maps
Once the mulch was all done, the Google Maps car conveniently drove by our house snapping a photo of our perfectly manicured bank. Until the next photo, all the earth will think our bank stayed that way. Except it didn’t.
What Happens When You Cover a Sunny Bank with Mulch
I enjoyed those short weeks admiring the woody bank. I walked by and smiled convincing myself the day of overhead lawnmower reps had come to an end. It was oh, so lovely. Too good to be true. Yep! Definitely not true. Turns out tornado mulch, or any mulch for that matter will break down over time. Meanwhile, passing birds, blowing weed seeds, and all manner of hibernating nature will find a cozy home amongst the shredded trees. I had the beginnings of a small forest budding on my hillside. Worse yet, it was permanently implanted to the landscaping fabric underneath. What a MESS!
Fixing the Mulched Forest
I began undoing all the hard work for which I was afforded a few weeks of rest. I ripped up weed clump after weed clump. The air wreaking of wild onions and moist earth. I was none too pleased with the situation. A “consoling” neighbor walked by assuring me the weeds I pulled would be growing back before I got to the end. Thanks, neighbor. I needed that spoken word of wisdom. Nonetheless, I got most everything ripped out and all the matted, root-infested landscape fabric ripped up.
This is how NOT to Fix a Steep Bank
Long story short, mulching a steep bank is how NOT to solve the problem. As exasperating as this experience was, there is a happily ever after. I’ll share how this disaster turned delightful in the next blog. Be sure to bookmark this page for more home improvement ideas. Watch videos of practical home improvements on the Sawdust and Cornbread YouTube Channel.
Until next time remember, “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”
~Lora Lea
