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Today, I will share one of the most difficult concepts for most Americans to grasp. It is especially hard when you are newlywed, or just beginning a family. I know, because I was there 25 years ago. We see how our parents or older friends are living and subconsciously assume things will look the same or better for our home. It’s hard to hear, and even harder to accept, but it just isn’t so! You can’t always get what you want.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
You will not have it all at once. You can’t always get what you want. The fastest way to bring any financial progress to a painful and screeching halt is to try and make your home as “nice” as what you are accustomed to living in before marriage. There are a few exceptions, but in most cases, it takes a long time to establish the level of quality, comfort, and beauty of your parent’s home.
Our First Home
When we purchased our first home, I was in a hurry to make it just the way I wanted it. I’m not talking about our 1/4 of a double-wide tiny house rental. This was our first and largest purchase in our short-lived (at the time) lives. It was an adorable starter home in a somewhat questionable part of town. We only had one credit card at the time. We had it on hand for our honeymoon then held onto it “just in case.”
Going Into Debt to Get What I Wanted
I think our card had a limit of $1,000. But like most young married couples, we didn’t have $1,000 to spare! You may be thinking, “that’s why I needed the credit card!” You would be wrong. We could afford everything we NEEDED without credit. Even better, there was no interest added by paying cash for what we needed. If we didn’t have enough cash for something, we didn’t NEED it. Now, I had an excuse to spend more than our paycheck.
You Aren’t Your Parents or Your Friends
Our modest little house came with decent appliances in working order. The house itself was cute as a button and in great condition. Instead of being content, I began trying to recreate the same level of comfort and beauty I was accustomed to living with before marriage. It didn’t occur to me that my parents had worked, saved, sacrificed, and slowly yet steadily furnished and decorated their homes for the length of their marriage plus my 21 years of life before getting married myself. I thought it was only right to take up where they left off. BIG MISTAKE!
Pregnant Facing Debt Collectors
Before we knew it, I was pregnant with our first child, unemployed, and had acquired house, college, and credit card debt with interest. Hearing some other couple’s harrowing stories of drowning in debt, we now realize that we weren’t in as deep as it felt. But believe me, debt collectors make it feel like your world is caving in on all sides. It is overwhelming and terrifying.
My Horrible Encounter with a Debt Collector
I vividly recall the loud continuous pounding at my front door one hot summer day. I slowly and cautiously opened the door. A massive baby bump pressed against my outgrown t-shirt. A plump man stood inches away from my face glaring down at me. Bitter cigarette smoke streamed from his nose and mouth hitting my face and making my eyes water. My pregnancy hormones kicked in and I instinctively retched, backed away, and fanned the smokey threat away from me and my unborn child. He was demanding a house payment.
Digging Out of Debt
After digging ourselves out of that horrible position, we set our hearts and minds on NEVER getting ourselves in the same situation again. It isn’t the fastest or easiest way to build a comfortable life, but it is the surest way to have peace in our family, life, and home.
Bringing Balance to Our Home
I am the most impatient person I know. It’s not something I take pride in. God knew what He was doing when He brought my husband and me together. As much as I am full throttle ahead, my husband is slow, and steady going the course. We balance each other out well. He says I put a flame under him when he needs it. Likewise, when I need to halt, he pulls on the reigns. If I weren’t so hard-headed, he wouldn’t need to pull so hard. LOL
Don’t Plant a Flower Garden all at Once.
If you know me, you know that I don’t have the greenest thumb. But I have learned to plant things that I can’t easily kill. Had I not heard some simple advice from a local plant nursery owner, I would have wasted precious time and money. Just like with our house, I wanted to instantly have a beautiful, mature, thriving flower garden all at once. I headed to the greenhouse ready to fill up my cart with whatever my heart desired.
Wise Advice for Life and Flowers
After asking the nursery owner several questions about filling in the large area she wisely confided, you have to build a flower garden or landscape a little at a time. You see, you don’t know how the plants will respond to their living conditions. They may thrive to their full potential or even outgrow their limits. They may stunt and stay small. Some plants may spread like wildfire and take over. Others will wither away and refuse to grow despite your best efforts and intentions.
Avoiding a Huge Mess
If I had planted everything at the same time, I would have a big mess. This, not even taking into consideration needing to properly care for each different flower, grass, annual, perennial and such. This was also just as my firstborn was beginning to toddle and walk, before a full-on sprint. This was the “perfect” time to begin a huge landscape project. <Insert sarcastic smirk>
Take Care of What You Have
I heeded her advice and left with a few, inexpensive, ornamental grass babies. I didn’t realize just how difficult these plants are to kill. The nursery owner knew exactly what she was giving me. She knew a new homeowner when she saw one. Nevertheless, I planted and prayed over every one of those baby grass bundles. I watered, weeded, and fretted over them daily. Twenty-one years later, after many successful divisions, I have beautifully landscaped edges from that first handful of baby ornamental grasses.
Don’t Make My Mistakes!
Do your family and yourself a favor. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I don’t think there is anyone more impatient than me. If I can learn to feather my nest, and yard, within my means, you can do it for sure! Together, we will create the home we want by using the things we have. With time, we will have a home that reflects our style and interest. Our home will be beautiful and our hearts, minds, and purses at peace.
Until next time,
Lora Lea
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